Friday, August 08, 2008

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Poem by Moff

This poem gave me chills when I read it this afternoon. For me, it's kinda at the intersection of scary intimacy and our irresistible drive to love God... even when it's scary and life changing and it usually is both.

I've been having some sort of spiritual renewal myself and this poem made me feel like I'm in good company. Jesus come and have your way.

A poem by Moff

Thursday, July 10, 2008

On the Benefits of Pain and Suffering

There is something powerful about suffering. When I am feeling lonely,
sad or missing my family, there's nothing like remembering the call I
continue to feel toward the suffering and the lonely and the rejected.
It's not just me, either. I meet so many amazing people in my journeys
across the country from DC to SC to CA to Seattle and back to DC
again.

There's nothing like suffering physical pain to pull oneself out of
self pity. Physical suffering can bring about powerful results to keep
a person going and feeling hopeful. I've been working on my physical
life more lately and I've lost 15 pounds and feel much better. But it
takes pain. Literally pain has made me healthier. 64 miles on my bike
per week, pounding, grunting, screaming, forcing and pitting myself
against everything that pits itself against my 1:15 minute goal every
day to and from work. Inside me, an inner anger and drive for impact,
result and progress gets channeled in this experience. Done correctly,
it is bringing me results, hope and change.

Pain brings change. Or it can if we pursue it enough to change. Or
maybe it's facing the pain and forcing yourself through it that
actually brings change.

I think the same goes for the emotional pain of loneliness. Forcing
oneself through it and finding what brings reprieve and happiness when
you miss the people who make you smile and laugh and motivate you to
go on. And it's certainly exacerbated by all the sad faces I see in a
day on the metro and listless gazes at work. Maybe people are happy
but they sure don't reveal it… and that's a sort of death in itself.
Hiding one's emotions seems so sad to me. Maybe that's why I enjoy so
many ethnic communities. There are few places where alienation exists
in as money-driven western and mostly white cultures. I guess it's a
personal motivation for me to enlighten, enliven empower and
encourage. I feel dead inside if I don't get to do that in a week.

I guess it's one of the reasons I was pursuing the non-profit sector
before I took my current job. I'm only alive if I can bring others
alive. Maybe it's why I love the GNU Team at Common Table so much.

I'm just not ok unless I'm pushing, pressing, impacting, changing
and influencing. That might be why I love graphic and web design. At
the end of the day I have something to show for my tweaking, forcing,
manipulating, impacting
and changing. I create a cocoon of creativity, let it percolate and
force out of it a new being. A new existence. An influential impact. I
think that's why I also like marketing and analytics… they both show
impact and display measurable results.

I'm restless. I'm more restless when I listen to some of my favorite
inspirational music as I am right now. Yet, even without music, the
tune dances on in my head. It won't stop.

This calling… it won't die down. It just goes dormant.
This burning will not calm.
This frustration will not relax.
This passion only goes on.
Buried then resurrected.
I want to give my life away.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Silence Day

"Man’s inability to live God’s words makes the Avatar’s teaching a mockery. Instead of practicing the compassion he taught, man has waged wars in his name. Instead of living the humility, purity, and truth of his words, man has given way to hatred, greed, and violence. Because man has been deaf to the principles and precepts laid down by God in the past, in this present Avataric form, I observe silence."

-- Meher Baba: "Meher Baba's Universal Message", World's Fair Pamphlet, 1964

On January 31, 1969, Meher Baba died, conveying by his last gestures, "Do not forget that I am God."

From July 10, 1925 until his death in 1969, Meher Baba was silent (44 years during which he communicated by alphabet board and hand gestures).

Silence Day is the name the followers of Meher Baba give to their practice of commemorating July 10th of each year by maintaining verbal silence for twenty-four hours.

It's fascinating what sacrifice inspires in this world. This man obviously inspired hundreds of thousands and maybe more through his writings. How one life lived in poverty of ownership has come to me today to challenge me to be silent for 24 hours is amazing. Is this what his life meant to us? Maybe it's a small tribute. Maybe it's a worthless one. Maybe we totally missed his point.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I'm a new condo owner! Hooray!

On the last possible settlement date! I highly recommend Chris Downey of Home First Mortgage! And a big shout out to my lawyer who closed a very complicated FHA loan, Mark Bayer.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Unbelievable!

Unbelievably, at the last possible minute, my mortgage broker got the
go ahead from FHA to approve my condo for the mortgage loan.

I'm so excited! It all goes down 4pm tomorrow!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Cool Music

master list

Monday, June 02, 2008

Accountability

A friend asked me what's going on in my life tonight. It's interesting that I usually consider the latest in my personal relationships the answer to that question. And it struck me what 5 personal relationships in my (now former) community home and at my church have recently resulted in:

1) One person told me I'm self-centered. (I agree).
2) Another told me I'm harsh, into "radical honesty" and basically hypocritical. (I agree with all three of those)
3) And another person called me last week and screamed at me on the telephone.
4) Another person challenged me *not* to come to the rescue of others who are perfectly capable of defending and speaking for themselves. (also something I agree that I sometimes do far too much).
5) I can be very mean. (I agree).

It's very interesting to me that 4 out of 5 of these comments have come largely outside of face to face relationships as, for the past 2 months, I haven't attended church.

Now, that doesn't diminish the fact that I believe at least that I deserve #1,2,4 & 5... but it does have me wondering if perhaps it's easier for my friends to come to grips with my faults when I've been gone for a while or maybe there is no correlation and it's just time for me to change some of my ways.

Any way you slice it, I think I have some changing to do and I'm honestly soooo thankful for the past 4 years with a church that has basically let my faults just lie under a large umbrella of grace. But I also see the greater accountability I'm being loved enough to be called to... and I like how this phrase puts it... "Jesus accepts us just as we are, but he doesn't leave us there."

I see the same thing in a good community. A good community accepts us just as we are, but it doesn't leave us there."

Thanks Common Table. And thanks Culpeper House.